Yesterday I rode my bike for the first time in weeks (it’s been on a holiday with a sister up the coast) and it got me thinking about what makes me happy. If cancer gives you one thing it’s a new perspective on what is important in life and what isn’t. Imagine if the focus at school was on how to achieve a high level of happiness and satisfaction in life rather than being on getting high grades or trying to get into a profession that earns a lot of money? Wouldn’t it be a refreshing approach to life…
There is good reason to think like this. In my last job, as editor of a teen magazine I did some research into happiness and was fortunate enough to have met with experts in the field of positive psychology (the science of happiness). According to Dr Tim Sharp of The Happiness Institute:
Happiness buffers against stress and illness. Happy people are more active, they have better relationships which again guard against stress and illness.
Research also shows that happy people achieve more in their work, help others more and build positive institutions.
We always hear that money doesn’t make people happy and apparently it’s true that circumstance (including our socio economic situation) only plays a small role in our level of happiness beyond having the basic stuff like food, shelter and a job sorted.
There is also some evidence that points to there being a predestined level of happiness in everyone’s life (well, within a range) so that, like our body weight, we might move a little up and down a little, we will always experience the same range of happiness. However, there are some things that we can do to keep ourselves at the top end of our level of happiness (and it’s not just about thinking positive thoughts).
So, if happiness was a part of the school curriculum, instead or algebra, students might be graded on….
- Social affiliation – Nurturing good relationships, as the more friends you have (genuine, honest relationships, where you support and respect each other as well as have fun together) the happier you will be.
- Practicing being grateful – Expressing gratitude for what you have on a regular basis.
- Achieving long-term goals – Setting realistic goals and working towards achieving.
- Thinking self sacrifice, not self indulgence – Practicing doing good things for others, whether friends or strangers, either directly or anonymously.
- Cultivating optimism – Keep a journal in which you imagine and write about the best possible future for yourself.
- Having active leisure pursuits – Its well established that active leisure pursuits like running or cycling increase happiness, but why do experiences fare better than possessions? Experiences improve with time (possessions don’t); experiences are resistant to unfavorable comparisons and experiences have more social value.
- Practicing engagement or ‘flow’, – The sense of being totally involved in what we are doing at the time and operating without self-consciousness.
- Trying new things – People who do this e.g. learn a new game, travel to unfamiliar places, etc are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well.
- Having mental control – Research has found that both ruminating on negative thoughts and trying to suppress negative thoughts leads to unhappiness.
So, what should we do day-to-day to get/stay happy?
- Graciously accept compliments and praise from others
- Acknowledge (with modesty) our own strengths and accomplishments, but be honest about our shortcomings and faults
- Do something constructive about our shortcomings and faults
- Have a clear idea of what a great life would look like
- Set specific and achievable goals for achieving this great life
- Live generously
- Cultivate good relationships
- Be active and try new things
- Accept that life will never be perfect and be grateful for what we have
- Surround ourselves with happy people: Happiness is contagious And finally, according to The Happiness Project, don’t insist on the best…
There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers make a decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.
Personally, I can’t always explain why some days I am happier than others, but usually a winning combination is if I am treating my body well and being active, if I am appreciating life, laughing a lot, achieving a goal or two and I have some fun and challenging things planned in the future. Doing things I enjoy, like riding my bike and giving myself a little treat here or there helps, too.
What makes me unhappy? This is harder to say (though I’m definitely a maximiser) but I think it’s when I am physically feeling run down, am not sleeping well, when I get too preoccupied with things I don’t or can’t have, when I am not seeing enough of my friends and family or sunlight or am feeling anxious about things beyond my control. Some of these things are related to my cancer treatment, but some are not.
Then again, maybe we can try too hard to be happy, too. I like this quote…
